The Master

This is the title of the new Paul Thomas Anderson film, The Master. I love me some PT Anderson *betcha didn’t know he’s Maya Rudolph’s baby’s daddy* but with all of his films there’s always pros and cons involved. My first issue is with that title. He originally wanted to call it The Cause but that somehow was too directly hinting that this is a major Scientology diss flick. So changing it to The Master straightens that all out.  With this name, I am constantly envisioning a slave revenge Blaxploitation film *oh, Quentin already took Django Unchained, darn!* So now Paul has pissed off Tommy Girl *aka  HBIC Tom Cruise* because nobody makes a mockery of the greatest religion ever, cough, invented.
I love it when Tommy gets angry, he’s like a wild-eyed, overly serious leprechaun. Beware the wrath of Tommy Girl, he’ll call your ass glib and give zero fucks about it.


Remember Tommy Girl vs Brooke Shields and then Tommy Girl vs Matt Lauer? Escalando!

But I’ll tell you something, that boy was AMAZING in Magnolia. He totally should have won an Oscar for that role because when he said “Respect the Cock and Tame the Cunt“, I was a believer!!
I immediately threw out my meds and fired my therapist and my ass gave
him a standing ovation at the theater when I saw it a billion years ago
in 1999. Say what you want about him and Xenu, he can act his tiny ass
off. Or it could just be the brilliant writing of PT Anderson.


Oh well, I’m drawn to movies involving controversy. A Clockwork Orange, Lolita, Battle Royale, all incredible movies that were at some point were banned. So far PT has never let me down, I even liked Punch-Drunk Love. It’s an underrated film with Adam Sandler trying his best to imitate Jim Carrey’s performance in The Truman Show. You know, the funny man can also be a serious Thespian despite a sucessful career based on fart jokes.  Back to The Master…guess who took a bath and let the silver fox grow out on his head? Cray cray banay-nays Joaquin Phoenix! This fool thinks he is the new Daniel Day Lewis. Not uh! He may twerk it in M. Night Shyamalan’s horrible films but I don’t know how well he can handle a role like this in a film of this caliber. I also am bummed the best they could come up with for a supporting lady role is Amy Adams. She was alright in The Fighter but whenever I look at her I think of that movie where she was a Disney princess who got lost in Harlem or whatever the hell it was. I always see cartoon birds fly by her face and it ruins the mood. Why not Tilda? Tilda is awesome and a glorious ginger!


Tilda Swinton

Now the pros:

Phillip Seymour Hoffman. God, I love this man. He had me at…

Boogie Nights

That’s all it took, he could co-star in Madea’s Family Reunion at Big Mamma’s House so Are We There Yet? Part 3 and I’ll still love him. I’m all about Jonny Greenwood *from Radiohead* doing the movie’s score. I am a huge movie soundtrack nerd and I loved There Will Be Blood soundtrack.

Oh! what is my all-time top 3 movie soundtracks you ask? *okay I know you didn’t* but I adore these 3, they are super awesome and moody-sounding if you are looking for something a bit deeper than Nicky Minaj.

The Original Motion Picture Score Magnolia composed by Jon Brion

Oh my Gawd, I listen to this like, daily, it’s so beautiful! It’s kinda my melancholy playlist, you know when you want to feel depressed in a good way. Like listening to the Smiths or Adele.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford composed by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis

Again, simply beautiful. I am not a Western fan at all but somehow I was drawn to this movie *could have been Brad & Casey* One night we heard a few songs on the movie soundtrack music channel on Directv and I fell in love with the score. It’s freaking Nick Cave, sheesh!

Amelie Soundtrack composed by Yann Tiersen

It’s so very obvious why I love this guy, Parisian and such a wonderful usage of instruments; accordian, harpsichord, banjo, bass guitar, and vibraphone. It’s my cheery, happy tunes playlist.

Anyway, back to The Master. I love the balls on Paul Thomas. He’s finally gonna say what we’ve all been thinking about Sciento-looneys. I’m all for tax sheltering your dough but dude, I heard Nancy Cartwright donated 10 million to them. Uhh, that is completely ridic! Those Scientologists are some true pimps. The trailer looks pretty sweet. I’m so excited to see a really good movie *like Moonrise Kingdom* You can check it out here. The only thing that sucks is I have to wear a bulletproof vest anywhere I go now cause fools are crazy. So sad about those horrific deaths and injuries in Colorado. Can’t even go to a midnight movie these days.

Here’s all the Paul Thomas Anderson films you should add to your Netflix queue if you haven’t seen them already.

Hard Eight
Boogie Nights
Punch-Drunk Love
There Will Be Blood

I finally got The Artist in the mail today. I hope it lives up to the high expectation cause there’s only one “silent” film I love and that would be The Triplets of Belleville.

Tell me what you think

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