confession · I'm just sayin'

Disappointment has me in a Chokehold

I have had a stroke of bad luck in the last month. I’m not normally unhappy yet too many things not going in my favor has got me down. I am sure it’s the aftermath of our magnificent trip to Europe. I am positive I am suffering from a disease called I need to live in Paris in order to be happy-itis. It makes it that much harder to come back to the routine of LA life; drop off, pick up, rush to classes, making lunches, playdates, cleaning the house, sleep and repeat. Plus no matter how much I buy, we always seem to be out of milk! *I know Mom’s who also work full-time are rolling their eyes so hard right now*Β  I am very fortunate to have everything I do but I am stuck in a rut. I am starting to become disillusioned to what purpose this blog serves me. I spend too much time comparing and critiquing myself to other professional bloggers. Which turns into complaining and feeling pissy that I don’t have a fancy looking blog too. I know that they have backgrounds in graphic arts, have financially invested so much time and money in their business and have a unique brand. In contrast to me uploading un-edited photos and posting whatever when I feel like it. I haven’t attempted to market or brand my blog. I don’t even know how to identify my blog. I would love to have a popular blog but when I see the shiny, glittery prettiness I feel the impulse to vamp up my site yet without much coding skills and limited sources here on Blogger, it leaves me frustrated.

A fortune cookie has never been truer

Then there’s the model/talent biz. I have hustled for four years seeking an agent for Olivia. I am not exaggerating when I say whenever we leave the house strangers come up to me saying how cute Liv is, how much they love her hair, how much personality she has. This kid is a natural born entertainer. I have been asked so many times if she models but I just shrug my shoulders and say sometimes. Every six months I’ve submitted her head shots to the few child agencies in LA. I have tried my best to network and get my foot in the door to get Liv some work. I am so grateful I have been able to get Liv the jobs I have but I want her to make some money for her to do with whatever she chooses in the future. Several weeks ago I emailed the photos from our photo shoot with Lee in London to some agencies and after four straight years of rejections we finally we got a response! I was finally feeling like my luck has changed and my persistence has paid off. I worked my butt off gathering all her paperwork, getting a work permit, opened a Coogan bank account and getting new headshots.

Photo by Scott Pitts *I love these so much!*

There were tons of hoops to jump through but I got everything done within a week. I was so excited that Liv could spend the remainder of the summer going on auditions and possibly getting booked for paying jobs. Lo and behold, the summer was over in a blink of an eye and even though I was scouring the acting and modeling websites everyday for work for Liv we haven’t heard a peep from her agency. I totally understand it never happens overnight, yet I feel like I’ve been waiting for four years. I am 100% committed to Liv’s career. I am by no means a stage Mom, I only take jobs that are appropriate and fun but all I have heard five weeks later are crickets. I’m further frustrated by reading how easy and quick other kids book major campaigns. Meanwhile I’m solicited Liv’s photos to every children’s line I can with no response. I haven’t even gotten that first audition so to feel this level of rejection stings. I will never give up and I have faith in my kid’s talent but I wish the ball could get rolling. Patience is key but sometimes you have to know when it’s time to move on.

Ugh, I don’t even want to get into all the other drama I’ve had lately. Broken windows, unexpected costs, cancelled plans, not to mention the shock of Liv’s new school tuition. It an understatement to say I’m overwhelmed. I so desperately want to learn French but speed I am moving at is driving me insane. Aimee and I are both practicing as much as we can but neither of us know the correct pronunciation. I am happy to have my BFF to learn with but she’s so much stronger at learning it than I am it leaves me feeling lame. I mean Mila Kunis moved here from Russia and she learned English from TV!


She makes it look so easy!

So friends, here I am feeling sorry for myself. Feeling silly for exposing my first world problems. I scroll through the impeccable world of Instagram and wonder do any of these people have a non-confetti filled day, less than perfect meal, do they ever go #ootd in a ratty, awful outfit? I can’t image anyone but myself being brave enough to admit their life was anything less than Pinterest-worthy. I know everyone has problems but for me when it rains, it pours. I am feeling rather emo and it sucks. I hope this is all PMS-based and I snap out of it soon. I have a quick road trip to San Francisco to look forward to. I hope it goes well even though the whole reason for the trip has been cancelled *sad*. It’s so disappointing when plans fall through. I try my best to follow through when I say I’ll do something but not everyone has that quality. I really feel like this.

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