My Magical Night with Jeff

*This is a true story*

We were invited to join our friend’s Warren & Kim for an evening of dinner and magic at the historic Magic Castle in Hollywood. I have always wanted to go to that place but it’s super exclusive and you have to be a member or be a guest of a member to attend. Warren’s cousin is a magician/member and although he didn’t accompany us tonight, he got us an invite. *merci Warren’s cousin!* I was beyond excited and freaking out because it’s super fancy and there’s a strict dress code.

The castle is next door to the church we play volleyball at so I see it often and have always had a morbid curiosity about the place. So as we are waiting out front for the rest of our party to arrive, Antz and I were peeking about and watching all the fancy people arrive. Kim and Warren arrived and Kim was asking me about Jeff Goldblum. I begin to drool over how hot I find him and Kim is like, “Isn’t that him standing right next to us?” WHaaaaaaaa? Holy shit! I immediately lose all composure and start fumbling for my camera. I thrust it into Antz hands and say “Make sure you get a good one!” and before I can stop myself I’m standing creepily too close to him and his date. I wait for the moment to inturrupt with my rude, fan gawker ass and I say as calmly as I possibly can with my crazy lady eyes;

Me: “Pardon me Mr. Goldblum, I am an enormous fan, would you mind terribly taking a photo with me?”
Jeff: “Of course, it was would be my pleasure, SWEETIE!
*I shit you not, his voice was like velvet, satin and silk combined*
Me mumbling: “I adore your work. You are AMAZING!” You’re so fucking hot, let’s make out, right here, right now!
*okay, I really didn’t say that, I smiled like and idiot and tried to stop my hands from shaking*
Jeff: “I’m flattered.”
Me: “Oh I have mustaches!”
*I frantically reach for Antz to hand me a mustache, which of course breaks*
Jeff: “Umm, you make mustaches?”
*In his typically confused Jeff Goldblum fashion*
Me: “I like to take a photo with my mustache, that’s my thing.”
*Doh! I’ve weirded him out even further*
Jeff: “Let’s do it SWEETHEART.
*He just gave me legal consent y’all!!*
Me: “Thank you so very much!” I love you!!
*I was shaking so hard and my stomach felt like I was at the top of a roller coaster*
His lady friend gives me a wrap it up dude look.
Jeff: “Have a nice time, DEAR.”

I chatted with him, I touched the guy, and he touched me back. This really happened! Not in a dream or fantasy! All within 10 minutes of arriving at the Magic Castle. You don’t understand how much I LOVED him as Alistair Hennessey in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. Guess what? During the entire encounter I had lipstick on my teeth!!!

I was holding my stomach because I came close to barfing! He smelled soooooo good.
Antz was handing me the mustache *the lighting really makes me look crazy clown face*
YAY! My broken mustache, his face!!!
How gorgeous can one man be???

Epic mustache fail!! Mr. Goldblum definitely handled himself with grace and sincere kindness because I pretty much acted like this.

Sweet Brown “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

So, everything that took place after that was a blur. We ate a fantastic meal, drank wine, saw some really cool magic acts and wandered around the castle. There was a no photos policy inside but I still took as many photos as I could get away with *without getting sawed in half*

My sexy date *whistles*
Antz must have said to me one hundred times, “You just fucking met your dream crush!!”
Thanks so much Kim & Warren!! XOXO

Cheers to MAGIC!! *and fine ass Jeff*

Kim sipping her port

The invisible piano playing in the back, spooky
We really need a creepy, naked painting of Liv in our living room.

I swear I wasn’t stalking, I just so happened to be seated behind him during the magic show. Awkward!!

Antz and I had to leave early (11pm) since we wanted to relieve his sister, Debra from babysitting Liv.

Liv giving me her best I’m not sleepy at all face

Still in disbelief…I fuckin’ met New Jersey from Buckaroo Banzai *rad 80’s cult film* I really want to go back for Halloween for the annual Houdini Seance!! I am trying to force myself to go to sleep because Liv has school tomorrow morning but I’m still tweaking out.

Oh, I forgot that the band OK Go were there too. They were such an after thought I didn’t remember until this morning. This is one bad ass video.

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