*This is a true story*
We were invited to join our friend’s Warren & Kim for an evening of dinner and magic at the historic Magic Castle in Hollywood. I have always wanted to go to that place but it’s super exclusive and you have to be a member or be a guest of a member to attend. Warren’s cousin is a magician/member and although he didn’t accompany us tonight, he got us an invite. *merci Warren’s cousin!* I was beyond excited and freaking out because it’s super fancy and there’s a strict dress code.
The castle is next door to the church we play volleyball at so I see it often and have always had a morbid curiosity about the place. So as we are waiting out front for the rest of our party to arrive, Antz and I were peeking about and watching all the fancy people arrive. Kim and Warren arrived and Kim was asking me about Jeff Goldblum. I begin to drool over how hot I find him and Kim is like, “Isn’t that him standing right next to us?” WHaaaaaaaa? Holy shit! I immediately lose all composure and start fumbling for my camera. I thrust it into Antz hands and say “Make sure you get a good one!” and before I can stop myself I’m standing creepily too close to him and his date. I wait for the moment to inturrupt with my rude, fan gawker ass and I say as calmly as I possibly can with my crazy lady eyes;
Me: “Pardon me Mr. Goldblum, I am an enormous fan, would you mind terribly taking a photo with me?”
Jeff: “Of course, it was would be my pleasure, SWEETIE!“
*I shit you not, his voice was like velvet, satin and silk combined*
Me mumbling: “I adore your work. You are AMAZING!” You’re so fucking hot, let’s make out, right here, right now!
*okay, I really didn’t say that, I smiled like and idiot and tried to stop my hands from shaking*
Jeff: “I’m flattered.”
Me: “Oh I have mustaches!”
*I frantically reach for Antz to hand me a mustache, which of course breaks*
Jeff: “Umm, you make mustaches?”
*In his typically confused Jeff Goldblum fashion*
Me: “I like to take a photo with my mustache, that’s my thing.”
*Doh! I’ve weirded him out even further*
Jeff: “Let’s do it SWEETHEART.“
*He just gave me legal consent y’all!!*
Me: “Thank you so very much!” I love you!!
*I was shaking so hard and my stomach felt like I was at the top of a roller coaster*
His lady friend gives me a wrap it up dude look.
Jeff: “Have a nice time, DEAR.”
I chatted with him, I touched the guy, and he touched me back. This really happened! Not in a dream or fantasy! All within 10 minutes of arriving at the Magic Castle. You don’t understand how much I LOVED him as Alistair Hennessey in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. Guess what? During the entire encounter I had lipstick on my teeth!!!
|I was holding my stomach because I came close to barfing! He smelled soooooo good.|
|Antz was handing me the mustache *the lighting really makes me look crazy clown face*|
|YAY! My broken mustache, his face!!!|
|How gorgeous can one man be???|
Epic mustache fail!! Mr. Goldblum definitely handled himself with grace and sincere kindness because I pretty much acted like this.
Sweet Brown “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
So, everything that took place after that was a blur. We ate a fantastic meal, drank wine, saw some really cool magic acts and wandered around the castle. There was a no photos policy inside but I still took as many photos as I could get away with *without getting sawed in half*
|My sexy date *whistles*|
|Antz must have said to me one hundred times, “You just fucking met your dream crush!!”|
|Thanks so much Kim & Warren!! XOXO|
|Cheers to MAGIC!! *and fine ass Jeff*|
|Kim sipping her port|
|The invisible piano playing in the back, spooky|
|We really need a creepy, naked painting of Liv in our living room.|
I swear I wasn’t stalking, I just so happened to be seated behind him during the magic show. Awkward!!
Antz and I had to leave early (11pm) since we wanted to relieve his sister, Debra from babysitting Liv.
|Liv giving me her best I’m not sleepy at all face|
Still in disbelief…I fuckin’ met New Jersey from Buckaroo Banzai *rad 80’s cult film* I really want to go back for Halloween for the annual Houdini Seance!! I am trying to force myself to go to sleep because Liv has school tomorrow morning but I’m still tweaking out.
Oh, I forgot that the band OK Go were there too. They were such an after thought I didn’t remember until this morning. This is one bad ass video.